I am now without a thyroid.

Surgery went ahead as planned on Friday, and I spent 3 nights in hospital, only being discharged yesterday. That was a long 3 nights. I had a drain in which they only removed on Sunday, and my calcium levels were low, which is why they kept me in for the third night.  I am now also on medication for that as well as 125mg of Thyroxine.

I still have no voice, although they assured me that they haven’t damaged my vocal nerve.

I had a meltdown in hospital on Sunday. I haven’t had a huge amount over the last year, but I have had a couple. I’m just done. I’ve got no fight left anymore. I can’t do it. I’m done.

I can’t bear the thought of going through the radio-iodine treatment and being in hospital in isolation, and then being away from Jake for some weeks after. So I’m talking to my consultant when I see him and telling him I’m not having it done yet. I spoke to my key-worker about this yesterday and he said that I won’t be the first person who has chosen to do that. I just want some life for a bit. I want to have another baby, I don’t want to be away from Jake anymore. I’ve been in hospital enough over the last year and it’s unsettling for him.

This operation has left me feeling much worse than last time. I’m in more pain. I was in hospital an extra 2 nights, I had a drain in for an extra 36 hours, my stitches are in for longer, I feel constantly nauseous and my voice is yet to return.

Jake keeps pointing at  my wound saying “hurt, poorly, hurt” and kissing it better for me, which is very sweet. We are currently taking up residency at my in-laws, so that we can both be looked after, I can be with him, and Neil doesn’t have to take any time off work.

So that is it in a nutshell. I have Slimming World weigh in tonight, which I know isn’t going to go well, but having been in hospital for so long, it was out of my hands!


6 responses to “Thyroidless

  • harryjsmummu

    your done. your right. no more ops anymore!!! its done and you did it and you should be so proud of yourself for getting through it. im so proud of you for doing it, melt down or no melt down!! i hope the docs are supportive of your wanting to delay the radio iodine treatment… i dont want you to have to go through any more hurt. physical or emotional. but if they say its advisable then just think, its the final hurdle. then you get your life back. just like you want…. just like i want and every wants. it might just take that one more push……. i love you and im so proud of you and the strength which you dont even realise you have… one day you will look back on all of this and think… omg did i do that? yes you did!!!! i for one think your amazing…… x

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  • marketingtomilk

    I really feel for you Roz. You don’t need to fight any more, for the moment anyway. Let your body mend, and enjoy time with Jake. You’re making the right choices for you and your family.


  • Susan Mann

    I feel for you so much and wish with all my heart I could give you a big hug and take some of the pain and just awful things you have had to go through away from you. Hang in there, you have to. x

  • missjacq

    Hey there, I understand exactly where you are coming from.I am a single mum and unfortunatley my Mum passed away a few years ago so my little boy stays with my best friends mum and Dad. I honestly do not know what I would have done without them, they have been amazing. He has always called them Nanny and Grandad and since He was born they have always had a close relationship with him so He knows no different. I consider myself very lucky to have them in our lives. My Son has stayed with them since June last year as I have been too poorly to be a full time mum. I go over and have sleep overs when I’m feeling better and speak to him every day. As you know chemo is not the easiest of things to go through and I don’t want my Son seeing me at my worst as it would frighten him. I am on my fifth month of chemotherapy now and just want it all to end so I can get my life back too. Thankfully, my chemotherapy treatment does come to an end very soon and my radiotherapy doesn’t start until April so I’m looking forward to spending some real quality time with my little boy. I won’t have to be in isolation like yourself with radiotherapy so I totally get where you are coming from. Its so hard going through this disease with Children. The hardest part for me hasn’t been the stupid cancer its been the parting from my Son thats been the near killer! Having said that, My little boy is only 3 and He doesn’t even know this but He’s my saviour. Without him,I don’t think I would be sat here writing this comment if I’m honest. I would have given up months ago, theres no way I would have continued with the Chemotherapy as the side affects are just horrendous. Basically my Son has and continues to save my life and makes me stronger every day! I need him as much as He needs me. I wish you all the best and I hope you are getting better by the day. Thinking of you.x
    P.s Thank you for sharing your blogs, I think you are very brave doing this and it has certainly inspired me even more! Thank you.

  • Multiple Mummy

    Hello there,

    I hope you are feeling a little better now. I can sympathise somewhat with this sitation as I had half my thyroid removed in December 2008 after a huge lump grew (8cm by 8cm in the end). They said this was an auto immune response from pregancy with my first born and luckily the lump was not sinister. I have managed without any thyroid treatment but I have lost a lot of weight as a result, which could be a result for you and slimming world!

    Just take care of the scar because my went keloid and was very hypersensitive and I have only just finished a course of steroid therapy injections to reduce it! Looks better but not great! Invest in bio oil!!!

    Any how, thinking of you and your recovery.

    Best wishes


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