Here and Now

I am fed up of being constantly ill. I finished chemo nine months ago, so you’d think by now that my immune system would be back up to scratch, but no. I have pretty much been constantly ill for the last month, with a reprieve of a few days here and there.

It is really frustrating. I hate it and it’s starting to get me down. The poor doctor that I saw on Friday, I don’t think she knew what hit her when I went in to see her. There is also the small fact that I turn 30 at the end of the month, so intend on letting my hair down, and I have a nagging feeling that I will be on antibiotics, so will be the driver of the evening. 

However, with all of this going on, I do still feel fortunate. I finished chemo 9 months ago and I am still in remission. I am a member of a lymphoma forum. I don’t go on as much as I used to, but I do still check in on a regular basis and was so saddened to read about a girl called Bekah. In November, she reached complete remission after 4 years of treatment. Words she never thought she’d hear. But, this week, she has found out that she has relapsed again, yet she remains so positive.

I wish I had her strength of mind.

It does make it scary. Yes, I’m in remission. Yes, I’m cancer free. And while that is wonderful in the here and now, I would just love to know that it’s not just for the here and now, but for now and forever.

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