….on Postsecret today and thought I’d share it
Yesterday, me and Nick went to see The Lion King at the Lyceum in London. All I can say is that it was truly amazing, and if you get the chance, you really should go and watch it! It was nice to spend a day out of the house not doing something that consisted of a hospital appointment!
A few of my mummy friends and I are planning a trip to London in September, hopefully to see Legally Blonde. Yay!!
Today, though, I actually just want to crawl under the duvet and stay there all day. The last two times I’ve had chemo, I’ve had really achy bones that don’t start until a few days after, and I almost forget about it, but then it comes back with a vengeance. It’s really hard to explain, but they ache, but it’s also like I don’t have to power to move them. Very strange sensation, and the only thing I can take is paracetamol, and only if I take my temperature first to make sure I haven’t got an infection.
In other news, even though I’m not part of the trial anymore, they are still going to honour their promise and do a PET scan after 2 cycles, so, in just over 2 weeks (I haven’t got a date yet, but know it’ll be after my next chemo!) I’ll be able to see just how much the tumour has shrunk. I know it has though, my cough is practically non existent now, before I started chemo, I could barely get through a sentence without coughing. I can sing along to the radio and everything now! And yesterday, I climbed all 193 steps at Covent Garden tube station. A moment of madness on my part, but still, I wouldn’t have even considered trying 6 weeks ago!
My hair is starting to come out. Slowly, but it’s definitely happening. I had me a little cry in the shower this morning. It won’t be long before I take the plunge and just shave it. It’s a good job that Shasta and I are getting on a bit better, isn’t it really?
So, today, I figured I’d try on my new hair. I haven’t got it (it or her? She has a name, you know!) out the box since I brought it/her home. I tried it/her on this morning, and there was just one bit that stuck out that wouldn’t sit where it was supposed to. Had it been my actual hair, I would have punished it with the hair straighteners, but seeing as it/she is made of acryllic, I figured that wouldn’t be such a good idea. So it/she was put back on the stand, and my actual hair was that of the hat variety for the rest of the day.
Then, our friend came round tonight, so I tried it/her on again, so I could introduce said friend to Shasta. Neil and I messed about with it/her until it/she sat better than it/she did this morning, and the previous sticky out bit wasn’t as sticky outie any more. Yay!
Until I sat, moved my head, as you do in general conversation and then got up and looked in the mirror and saw a reflection of a woman wearing a wig. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I obviously just haven’t got the knack of it yet, or maybe it’s because I still actually have some hair left, I don’t know. I think I’m going to take it (yes, it’s an it now!) back to the shop and ask them to teach me again.
Apart from that, I’ve had a really nice day today, seeing Chris and Kelly, and meeting the fabulous Oscar! Followed by more wedding chat with Kellie and Gary, and then a walk around the park with Frankie, Neil and Jake!
Can I also just say how lovely it is to hear from the wonderful Zuzula again, it made my day even more lovely 🙂
I’m sat here on the sofa with Frankie (my chocolate lab) curled up next to me, but I’m fully prepared to make a sharp exit to the bathroom, should I need to.
Chemo went as planned on Wednesday, although the wife of the guy who is also having treatment for Hodgkin’s is annoying as hell! She thinks she knows it all because she had breast cancer a few years ago, and whilst I’m not belittling that at all, because it’s a horrible thing to go through, she doesn’t know me!
I’m not allowed to be part of the trial any more, so I don’t get a PET scan after 2 cycles of treatment. I was quite upset about this at first, the thought of that scan in the middle of April was the only thing keeping me going, I had something to focus on, something to look forward to in a way because I would have been able to see how my treatment was progressing. But because they spent so much time messing around between my initial CT scan in December and my actual diagnosis, the CT scan was not valid and therefore I’m not eligible for the trial any more. Although, I have at least found out that half way through I do get a PET or CT scan to see if the treatment is working, I just have to wait another month for it now.
This lot of chemo seems to have affected me a lot more. The sickness has been worse, and I’ve had dizziness as well. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even get dressed yesterday. The thing that seems to be setting off my sickness though, is remembering the smell. For some reason, two of the drugs (the Dacarbazine and the Bleomycin) seem to have this really unpleasant smell, and just thinking about it makes me want to be sick. I feel like I can smell it on me, on my hands, and every time I get a whiff, I have to go to the bathroom to be a little bit sick.
I haven’t lost any hair yet. I don’t know what is worse: waiting to lose it (I’m checking the pillow every morning, the brush every time I use it, and my hands after washing my hair) or actually losing it.
It’s feeling like this that is making me think I can’t do this another ten times. I can’t handle it. I feel miserable. But in a few hours, I’m going to have to magically just snap out of it and pretend I’m fine ready for an evening at my parent’s, because if my mum see’s me upset, she’ll start and that’s all I need!
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll feel a bit better. It’s my first mother’s day! I have my lovely in-laws coming over for dinner, and I am making a New York cheesecake! NOM!!
So many people say that Hodgkin’s is “The Good Cancer”, and yes, sometimes, I’m one of those people. But other times I couldn’t disagree more. No cancer is “good” cancer. No one wants cancer. Yes, Hodgkin’s is the most curable form of cancer, but it doesn’t mean I want it. Left untreated, it would still kill me. Quite how I feel about that, I still don’t know.
I will quite openly admit that when I see people’s statuses on Facebook about how they’re poorly or that they’ve had a bad week or that they aren’t having the attention from guys that they want , it does annoy me. It also annoys me when people add me as a friend, knowing what I’m going through and don’t even say hello, urm, excuse me, YOU added ME!! And it shouldn’t. I shouldn’t expect people to watch what they say for risk of offending me. I think I’m getting less tolerant of people with attitude problems though!
On a positive note, I am SO grateful to everyone that has sponsored me so far for Race for Life (you can still do that by the way, click on the link in the top left corner!) and helped me raise £220 for Cancer Research. I’m also really touched that some friends that I haven’t seen since school have also signed up to do Race for Life too!
Tomorrow brings more blood tests, in readiness for Wednesday’s chemo. My cough is SO much better than it was before my first treatment. That makes me feel really positive that the chemo is working. I know it’s not always going to be this easy, and that I’ve been really lucky to feel this well after treatment, but for now, I’m glad. I guess we’ll see what this week brings!
Well, nothing too exciting to report after chemo. I was REALLY tired on Friday, and had some much needed sleep, but apart from that, I’ve generally been fine. I have an appointment with Fiona tomorrow, to see how I’ve been getting on, and some more bloods to measure my white count. I’ll have that measured again next Tuesday before chemo on Wednesday to check my white count is high enough to tolerate treatment.
OK, so a bit late, but eventually, here are some wig pictures…..
And just coz he’s cute, here are some pictures of the lovely Jake!!