We’ve Been Ill :-(

Jake and I have been poorly this week with some kind of viral infection. It feels like we have been living at the GP’s and the Walk in Centre. Jake’s temperature has been up to 39.8 and he’s not been well at all. I’ve felt so sorry for him. You just feel so helpless when there isn’t anything you can do.

My lovely friend Amy and I went to the Good Food Show at the NEC on Saturday. We had a brilliant time. I never realised just how much I loved cheese until we got there. I had to stop at every cheese stall to sample some! I did eventually buy some, but only after I made sure that I’d chosen the right ones!

I have been in a bad mood today, I found some stuff out that made me very, very angry, and although I’m still angry, I’m a bit calmer now. Until Neil gets home, and I tell him all about it and get myself riled up again, anyway!

But….what put me in a better mood was the fact that today was my first weigh in (technically two days early, because we joined on Thursday, and it’s only Tuesday) and I stepped on the scales to see that I’ve lost…

…wait for it…

4lbs!!!

So pleased, although I’m convinced it’s just a fluke. We are away next week, so no doubt I shall put it all back on again then anyway!

But YAY!!

Encouragement Needed

People who have been reading this blog for a while will know I’ve had a few attempts at the whole weight loss thing whilst undergoing treatment etc. Believe it or not, pre-pregnancy, I was actually a lovely size 10 (sometimes even an 8 if it was a generous cut!!). Now, I’m nowhere near. The toll pregnancy, followed by chemo, steroids, and generally slumming around for 6 months has taken has not been kind.

Now, chemo is over, I’m getting my life back, but I absolutely hate with a passion what it has done to my body. Now, there are some that I can’t do anything about, such as the scars on my legs from the Hodgkin’s itch, or the scars on my arms from Jake’s bites, that are now a lovely dark tan colour, in comparison to the rest of my body (none of which I can seem to get a decent picture of!)

However, what I can try to do something about is the weight. I joined a gym just after I came back from holiday, and have been going at least twice a week, and tomorrow, my friend and I are starting the whole healthy eating thing together.

What I need though is a little Encouragement, not Discouragement. From the consultant telling me to take it easy at the gym because I’m not “back to normal” yet, or people telling me I should wait until after Christmas before I start, it would be quite easy for me to just not bother. But I need to.

So when I say “I’m starting Slimming World tomorrow” or “I’ve joined a gym” replies of “That’s great, well done you!” or equivalent would be much appreciated. Don’t tell me I look great as I am, or that I don’t need to, because I know you will be lying!!

A Book?

Since I started this blog in February, a few people have said to me that I could turn it into a book. I never really took it seriously, but recently, people have been saying it again, and it’s got me thinking: Maybe I could.

I have no idea where to start, and who to contact, and what roads I need to go down, or even if it could work (personally, I don’t think I’ve got enough readers to generate an interest), but it has got me wondering about it.

Who knows. We’ll see I guess. If anyone has any advice on how to get the ball rolling, I’d love to hear it.

The Big Decision – A difficult post to write

I have a new favourite haematologist. I have seen her for my past 3 appointments. Her name is Lyndsey, she is probably about my age and she actually looks you in the eye when she talks to you.

I had a follow up appointment today, to be seen again in 2 months. Today was when we talked about pregnancy.

Let’s be clear. I’m not pregnant.

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I want another child, I’ve always been open about that. I think when I was diagnosed, I was more upset about the fact that the chemo could take my fertility than the fact that I actually had cancer. Having just one child has never been on the radar for me.

Although I wasn’t an only child, there was a huge age gap between me and my siblings, and we aren’t exactly what you would call close. I find myself getting jealous of others that have such a close relationship with theirs, I never had that, but I want Jake to.

I’m also finding it really hard at the moment, there seems to be a sudden baby boom and lots of my friends are just announcing their pregnancies or having babies, and it kills me. I’m happy for them, of course I am, I wouldn’t be a friend otherwise. But every time it happens, a little bit more of my heart breaks. I don’t expect people to put their lives on hold just because I have to. I just wish I DIDN’T have to.

Today at my appointment, Lyndsey told me she had argued with the lead consultant. Lyndsey asked her how long I should wait before we start trying again, she was told to tell me 5 years. She’s come to know me fairly well over my last couple of appointments, and knew I wouldn’t be willing to wait that long. I’m not getting any younger, am I?

The long and the short of it is this: We can start trying any time we like, however, to bear in mind that I COULD relapse. She doesn’t see me being pregnant as a risk of increasing my chance of relapse, but relapse is always a possibility, and if I relapsed during pregnancy, we’d have to make a decision to either terminate, or deliver early, depending on where about in my pregnancy I was.

No one can tell us what to do, at the end of the day, it’s a decision we have to make. Do I allow cancer to continue ruling my life, or do I just get one with things?

So that’s where we are at the moment, and yes, I have cried while writing this post. I have to say, I think this is my most personal blog yet, so please allow me to be self indulgent and feel sorry for myself a little bit.

 

The Good Cancer? Really?

I write this post feeling quite saddened and humbled.

I am a member of an online lymphoma forum. In this week alone, I’ve read about two men who lost their battle with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. A guy called Brian, who was 37, and left his wife and two children, and a guy called Mike was was 33. I’ve never met any of the people on this forum, and I probably never will, but you do feel a sense of closeness to these people that have been through, or that are going through what you have.

Yes, in most cases, the Hodge is curable, but it isn’t always, and it’s easy to forget that. It’s still cancer, it still takes lives. That can never be good. I read about those cases, and it makes me feel extremely fortunate that my treatment worked, but I feel so sorry for the ones that it didn’t work for and the families they leave behind, for the children that don’t understand where their daddy has gone, for the mum who has to bury her son.

Tell me: How exactly is it the good cancer?

The Thyroid Surgery – Includes a Nasty Pic!

I am home from hospital. I didn’t have to discharge myself, they were more than happy to let me go!

I arrived at the hospital at 7.30am yesterday. Neil dropped me off while he and Jake parked up. Then it worked out that he wasn’t allowed onto the admissions bay with Jake, but no one had told us. He sat waiting outside for me so I could at least say goodbye, but no one told me he was waiting. I had to ask if he was there. About 15 minutes after I found them and said goodbye, a nurse came and told me he was waiting.

I got taken to surgery about 12 noon, and woke up in recovery around 2.45pm. I didn’t feel particularly sore, just very sick. They gave me some anti sickness and that worked pretty quickly. I got taken to my room (I had a room of my own!) and spent most of the afternoon in and out of sleep. No one brought me my overnight bag though, so I couldn’t let Neil know I was ok. He had to phone the ward, but no one was answering, so in the end, he just left the phone ringing for 5 minutes until someone picked up.

When Neil came to see me, he managed to get hold of my overnight bag, eventually, no one seemed very willing to help.

My scar is bigger than I thought it would be, and I currently have staples holding it together. I had my drain and half of the staples taken out today, and the district nurse is coming tomorrow to take the rest of them out and then I will have steri strips. Now for a pic!

I have a follow up appointment, but it’s not until December 15th, so I have a long wait ahead of me. Seems that even it is malignant, they aren’t too fussed, because it’s easily treatable. So I guess we wait and see!